Tails the Lawyer 2
by tails23
Summary: The thrilling sequel to "Tails the Lawyer" which won the award for "best fourth wall demolishing". Also contains possible horrible comedy. But it might be good! You'll never know until you click the link and see what randomness awaits!
1. Deciding to not Skip the Prologue

**Tails the Lawyer 2**

_Nothing like a good (or bad, depends on how you look at it) sequel to an epic (or horribly written, also relative) story._

…_Yeah I got nothing else to say. Time to write? Maaaaayyyybbeeee? Or for your case, to read._

**Prologue: Deciding not to Skip the Prologue**

Tails put on a suit. Again…Ick. Suits. But ever since the infamous trial came up involving huge laser cannons, pies (not of the fruit filled variety amazingly), spit takes, and the interrupting author which totally broke the flow of the story, Tails decided he liked being a lawyer…to a point of course (Honestly, who wants to be a full time lawyer?).

As the author realized he was starting to overuse parenthetical asides rather than sentence fragments, Tails straightened himself up and went outside. Perfect, sterling weather. And the weather forecaster could actually predict the weather again, which was a good thing. As he started his engine up in his newly rebuilt plane, Tails was about to take off, when Sonic came out of nowhere as he always did and started to chat Tails up.

"Hey Tails, got room for one more in there?" Sonic smiled as he jumped onto the nose of the plane.

"Hey careful!" Tails laughed out loud. "I just waxed it!"

"Because wax is so vital to the plane isn't it?" Sonic raised his eyebrow and pressed his nose against the glass windshield. Tails giggled a little.

"Maybe it is. Maybe I just never told you about it."

Sonic did a spin jump and landed in the back seat. "Well you can tell me all about wax on the way to the courthouse."

As the plane soared into the air, Shadow was already waiting on the marble steps of the courthouse. He leaned against the pillar and thought about the things to be thought of. Such as Tails's superiority in the courtroom. It was amazing how good of a pro bono lawyer Tails was, whenever he decided to take a case…or perhaps it was just how bad the other lawyers were that astonished him.

"_Honestly…some of these dudes need to go back to law school and learn some…basics."_

_*Flashback*_

The defense table had 3 lawyers on its side. The prosecution? One. Yet all three members of the defense, quivered in fear, as the young, but skilled fox utilized a certain tool that many, including the three, had never really bothered to learn. They managed to get through law school by cutting corners, but it turned out that out in the real world, that one tool was desperately needed, and in retrospect, a very pivotal piece in any argument.

The three defense lawyers had forgotten to learn one thing: **basic logic.**

"This knife was at the scene of the crime. It had blood on it. The victim's throat was cut. The two blood samples from the victim and knife matched…so the victim died from getting his throat cut." Tails spoke with amazing clarity, even when having to present such a fierce, complex argument against the defense.

"Ooh! How does he do it?" The jury murmured in awe.

"He must get it from Sonic! Eeeee!" A certain weasel could be seen on the jury whispering to the other members.

"…Therefore the defense's argument that the victim died a natural death…well…is wrong."

And the crowd was flung into absolute pandemonium. What a shocking conclusion!

_*End flashback*_

"…_Stupid…"_

As the flashback ended, Tails's plane touched down into the parking lot, which was now legal because of the "special permit" Tails had gotten.

"You're a nanosecond late." Shadow smirked a little at his new friends Tails and Sonic.

"Well, last time, I was a millisecond late, so my time has improved." Tails shot back jokingly.

"Well—"

"Oh come on! Let's go in!" Sonic yelled as he rushed into the courthouse across the stone tiles, setting them ablaze.

"…He has to stop doing that." Shadow frowned as he took a fire extinguisher from beside him.

"Yeah, I'm afraid someday we're going to get in trouble for that…but that's Sonic for you! And even if it did happen, I'd get him out of it as best as I could."

"How noble of you." Shadow murmured as he sprayed the fire and walked along to the entrance of the courtroom. When the two finally arrived where Sonic was, the three huddled together and went over their plans to mess with the prosecution like they normally did.

_Inside the courtroom…_

"Hydrogen bombs?"

"Pointless filibustering?"

"CIRCUS CLOWNS?"

Three prosecution lawyers sat at their table, quivering in fear of the possible antics that they feared Tails might unleash upon them. They had heard the stories. They had prepared as much as they could. And yet everything and anything that sounded like a door creaking would send a chill up the lawyers' spines, in anticipation of the onslaught of unknown terrors that would soon be upon them.

And then a voice.

"You have the right to shut up. Anything that comes out of your sorry little mouth can and most definitely will be used against you in court. You may have a lamebrain attorney. If you're dirt poor, we'll get you either a really bad one or…"

"We can get you Tails!"

The crowd broke out in chuckles at the horrible play off of the Miranda rights. Tails and Sonic hid a wide smile. Even the judge on his stand was laughing.

"Oh no! Bad jokes the judge likes that'll we'll be forced to listen to!" the three prosecution lawyers exclaimed in dismay. Their fate was sealed. How long they would survive? Only time would tell…

"Oh ho! That was funny!" The judge was heartily laughing at the joke, quite appreciative of the break from having to listen to obnoxious rhetoric all day.

"It wasn't really all that funny actually. People who do observational comedy! Now THAT'S funny. Like when they go 'I think cars would taste like pizza to ants' see…"

Horrible satire? This could not end well…meanwhile, the laughter echoing through the room was slowly disintegrating the prosecution and their already dim heads.

"Or even Shadow for instance. He does dark comedy."

"Ooh, he got shot without life insurance. His family must be devastated."

More jovial outbreaks, piercing like bullets.

"Hey, even economists can be funnier than me, and you know that means I'm not that funny because economic jokes aren't really in DEMAND!"

_A familiar, but painful 1 minute later…_

"Hmm…" the judge looked back from Tails and his "entourage" and the prosecution table. "Well…I guess the defense wins by default."

And the crowd went wild. Typical. Another case closed.

"Oh hee hee! So funny!" A _VERY _familiar weasel was amok again, in the crowd this time.

_Later than evening…_

"Bye Shadow! See you later!"

"Bye kid."

"See you slow-mo!"

"Hey!"

"What?"

"Guys…not again."

"Hmph. See you Tails."

As Sonic and Tails waved goodbye to Shadow, they walked back into the house to hang around and eat some dinner.

"Got the dogs?"

"Got the chili?"

"I asked you first keed." Sonic walked towards the stove and started to boil the water. Intriguingly, Sonic's house had burnt down from an unknown arsonist, so he was in Tails's house. Why is the author giving you such a plot revealing fact directly rather than letting the characters act it out like he normally does? The author is a tad tired and crazy, and also explains why he has know officially broken down the fourth wall. Oops.

And then the chapter abruptly ended with the notion that someone was staring inside the window!

_O.o Read on and enjoy the suspense…ok I guess you can't really do that. But you can enjoy the bad economics jokes I tell! I believe in the Laffer curve after all! XD_

_With summer around, I should actually be starting up writing again. Weeee!_


	2. Plot Thickening Already Oo

_And we're back! Remember how in the prologue how I said that there was some randomness about me being tired? Well I've thought about it for 6 minutes and 23 seconds, and have decided that this novel is going to take a more serious turn than my last story, and there will be no more fourth wall breaking, cheesy melodrama, Monty Python references, parallels with the concept of God and humans between me and the characters or whatnot, dynamic character lines, and even personal experiences shoved into and horrible run ons and fragments and and and…_

_Just kidding!_

_Then this story would not be fun to my regular readers :D. Right then. Story time._

_P.S. I will probably make a more serious story though…still with humor, but toned down. You'll see, I already have the general storyline down for it._

**Chapter 1: Stalker. Enough Said.**

"You are inept at—"

"No! Wait! I can do this!" Sonic's face twisted itself into funny shapes as he tried to close the blinds.

"Tails, closing blinds is an art. It has troubled many and the challenge still exists, despite the long test of time we have had to try to defeat it."

"Mhm. Hey Sonic, there is a button on the wall you know."

"I can't use that, a knife flew right through it a minute ago while I—hey wait a minute!"

The pair darted over to the huge gaping hole in the wall that they had somehow missed. They then slowly looked behind them and saw that the knife had slashed its way to the bookshelf and was jutting out of a very thick book.

"Look! The knife got through that book there." Sonic pointed to the large book which at that moment, fell back clumsily onto the torn back cover. _Moby Dick_ stared up at them on the cover, in its entire whale like coolness.

"Hmm, you know I never got through the first chapter of that."

"Really? Well the knife seems to have gotten through the whole thing. Looks like the metal machines are really becoming smarter than us then, eh Tails?"

Tails rolled his eyes. "Umm, Sonic? Are you talking about artificial intelligence?"

Sonic blinked. "So…there's a little microchip recording everything we say and do?"

"Sonic, please try to be serious! Someone is attacking you and me for some reason! Besides! Everyone knows knives aren't machines!"

"Unless you use it as a lever."

"That's a _simple_ machine!" Tails gave Sonic a bewildered look as he turned to inspect the book. It was already decrepit and aging, with its pages tattered from being so old and used by his father.

"Hmm…all this thinking and working with machines is making me hungry." Sonic pondered the thought of some extra chili dogs as Tails was about to scold Sonic. Just then, a knock on the door occurred as this horrible sentence was made in passive voice.

Tails opened the door. A coupled makeshift steam engine running a train. On the floor. And a weasel hovering precariously above it. The author using large vocabulary to make up for the lack of actual sentences. And of course, a stunning, almost eerie, wide toothed grin.

"Hey there! Recognize me?" A very special weasel stood at the door.

Tails looked at the train, and then he looked at the oddly familiar face in front of him, and then back to the train.

"Choo choo…" Tails became mesmerized with the train laying there on the ground. Then Sonic came to the door.

"Hey, I know you! You're that one dude who was in the jury at my trial. Right Tails?"

"Chugga chugga—wait huh? Oh yeah, and he's the dude in Shadow's flashback when I was actually being the prosecution." Tails snapped back to the situation going on around them.

"Wait, how do you know about Shadow's flashbacks?"

"He told me about it Sonic. Not everything in the story has to involve breaking down the fourth wal—oh never mind…"

"Well either way, sir, this isn't a good—"

"Oh you can call me Daniel! I'm one of your biggest fans you know."

Sonic rolled his eyes. "That's nice, but right now, we're trying to figure out who threw this knife through our wall."

"And that book." Tails chimed in.

"Which one?" Daniel inquired.

"Moby Dick."

"The knife went through THAT book? I couldn't get through the first chapter!"

"Same here! It was so boring."

"Now look who's talking about things other than us getting killed." Sonic was starting to get impatient with the weasel. Ever since the trial, Sonic considered this "Daniel" an obnoxious nuisance. Why was he at their house anyway?

"Sorry Sonic. But hey! Maybe Daniel knows something about who threw the knife through our door. Did you happen to see anyone around our house or pass by you as you walked over here?"

"Oh that? Umm…you know I'm a BIG fan of you Sonic!"

Sonic gave Daniel a fake smile. "Yeah I get it, but right now we've had a MURDER attempt on our lives or something." Sonic said with increasing annoyance. He began to tap his foot rapidly and drum his fingers on the door frame. "And you're a stalker…" Sonic muttered under his breath.

"Oh yeah! About that! I passed by this one dude and I thought he was you, but he turned out to be some other dude who was coming real fast past me to your house I think and I called over to him yelling 'Sonic!' and he came and said his name was Shadow and that he was going to umm…"

"Going to what?" Tails perked up at the mention of Shadow's name. What was Shadow doing going over to where Sonic and Tails were again? "I thought he went back home."

"Well, I don't know about that, but he said he wanted to 'Be Tails's best friend.' And then he ran off. Just as I was almost to your house, he came to me and told me to give you guys this train."

"Well that was nice of him. Tails said to himself."

"Wait, did you say he wanted to 'Be Tails's best friend?'" Sonic immediately tensed up. The statement didn't make any sense to him, as it seemed almost like an intentional threat at Sonic. And coming from Shadow too? This was getting awfully suspicious.

"Oh yes! He very much did say that and he also said that Tails would be interested in what was behind that bush there." Daniel's glee was growing at the minute from Sonic's aura of awesomeness…a little creepy. He was also starting to get fidgety and twitchy.

Tails looked over to the lone bush outside his house. "That bush? What would be so interesting to me?"

"Right behind you bro." Sonic cautiously walked over to the bush behind Tails. "Be careful Tails! I have a bad feeling about this for some reason."

"Oh don't worry Sonic! I'm sure Shadow isn't doing anything too crazy." Tails however, was actually slightly worried as well as to all of the events going on.

The pair walked to opposite sides of the bush, ready to bash the living daylights out of whatever could be lurking behind it just like in the first story of this crazy series. Except it was just Tails that time, but the important thing is, they both jumped out to the back of the bush and smacked heads together. Take a moment now…savor the moment…imagine them painfully twitching on the grass…and now back to our feature presentation?

"Ow…well I told you there was nothing to worry about didn't I?"

"Yeah, hehe...you're right keed. It's like we were expecting something to—"

And a sudden blast came from the house and blew off the entire front siding of the house. Good thing they closed that door.

Sonic and Tails gaped for a moment at the scene. A huge plume of smoke clouded their view of the house, but it was clear that things had just gone from bad, to "oh gosh I cannot even IMAGNE what the bill for all the repairs will be AND there is someone trying to kill us." Tails then spoke.

"What were you expecting now?"

"…Don't ask!"

"Oh what a real bugger you guys! I had no idea that anything like THAT was even going to happen it is like 'wow trinitrotoluene must do SOMETHING to toy trains'!" Daniel seemed unnervingly calm, yet jittery at the same time.

"Wait!" Tails exclaimed. "Did you say trinitrotoleuene?"

"What?" Sonic gave his buddy a blank stare. "What?" he repeated for good measure.

Thankfully he didn't repeat it a third time for the charm, as Tails wouldn't have heard. He was undergoing a shocking and disturbing thought process at the moment.

"Sonic…what if Shadow threw the knife through the house, then gave Daniel the bomb to try to blow you up while I looked at the bush? But wait, that can't be right…he wouldn't…"

Sonic blinked. "So what's trinitro whatchamacallit?"

"It's TNT Sonic…" Tails felt like he was paralyzed.

On the other hand Sonic felt clearly animated, and proceeded to distort his feelings in such a way to create sharper gestures in response to the treachery that had been going on.

"I knew he wasn't up to any good that stupid little clone of me well I guess I just have to go kill him now and—"

"But Sonic! What if he didn't do it?" Tails managed to stammer.

"You brought it up!" Sonic interjected very harshly, startling Tails so that he fell down on the grass.

As the author thought to himself that Sonic should calm down, as he was being even more spastic than even Daniel, Sonic tore off towards Shadow's house., with Tails stumbling on behind him.

Well how's that for a plot twist in the beginning? Or maybe we are just getting started?

"My my, it seems like this whole situation is just getting started." Daniel commented to himself.

Abrupt end again! With the author being even more spastic than everyone in the story so far about how he ruined the ending! Well why not repeat it a third time for the charm? This crazy life at stakes situation was tenuously about to explode in the course of a silly fanfic.

And it was just getting started…

_Gasp! What will happen next? Even I don't know! Oh wait…actually I do. This time! I have actually created a general plot for myself so there will be an actual structure to this story!_

_Anyway, if you wish to see the spoilers to this story I can send the plan over and enlist your help for writing this story. Hehe. I doubt anyone will, but eh. Anyway, I might also do something silly like draw silly animations on my DSi for each chapter, but eh. Idk atm._

_One things for sure, this is going to be a great story. This may actually be one of my more serious fanfics, with the author being the only comic relief along with some situational comedy I guess. Anyway, the plot is going to get very thick and I guarantee that you will want to completely smash through the convolutedness of whatever thickness the plot turns out to me and then to reach complete and utter understanding of the story, which will forever remain imprinted in your mind!_

_Also, I make no apologies for updating late. :P_


End file.
